Lord, take me

I don't know how to start where to start. I've finally made my decision. to leave him for good.

God ma and kiara, if you're seeing this, I would really like to thank you all so much. if without you god ma, I would have alr jumped down and die. I love you both so much. I really thank god for placing you u both in my life, i will never ever have enough to thank you and repay this love.

I know I have to leave that guy. Sleeping on the same bed with a guy that is seeing another girl outside. I use the word "girl" not "woman". How scary can it be. Till now, whenever I think of this. My heart feels so much throbbing pain. I don't know how long will I take to pick up the broken pieces of me. Broken and shattered. That's what is left of me now.

Can you imagine, this year CNY would be spent so differently..

To Jordan: When I leave you, It's not that I don't love you. You asked for a seperation a cool down period. What is your cooling down period? You didn't even tell me. Cooling down means having a relationship with a random girl you just know? Cooling down means not coming home to sleep and spend the night outside?

Whatever it is, I can't possibly live or stay with you anymore. You really hurt me to the max of the max of the max. You could have chosen to live happily, with your mum, your dad, Shayenne and me. Go for family outings, laugh and joke at home helping one another out in the house. But you chose to indulge. indulge in temptations.

I don't think I am a nasty or unreasonable wife to start with. I gave my best and kept the best everything for you. these 3 years and 9 months. Till you took me for granted slowly and slowly, think just by providing financial need to Shayenne and me would be enough. I learnt to be a good daughter in law, a good wife and a good mother in every role I play. I respected your parent and love them as my own. I serve you as a wife so much so I feel myself become a slave for you. I can stand up and proudly say that " You can never ever find a daughter in law, a wife and a mother of your child like me. "

I thank my family who had always been so wonderful and supportive. My mum, My dad, My brother and my maid! You all showed me what's the meaning of FAMILY LOVE. mummy and daddy has never never forsake me. If i say I'm stronger. Papa, mummy, you both are the strongest. I love you both. Pardon me for unable to tell you what happen to me and Jordan. Because i will sure breakdown and cry like shit, if I were to tell you. I don't want you both to see me hurt because i know then you both will be more hurt times hundred times. I have to control myself in front of you both. Be your happy and smiley girl.

The only 2 things I pray for is courage and strength to walk this road with Shayenne. And also, Jordan to have repentance and wake up from his nightmare, if not, he'll be just destroying his life and definitely will have lots of regret in time to come.

Thanks my friends, all around, from facebook to msn to sms. Thanks for all your words of encouragment and support. There is only so much you people can help me, the rest is up to me.